When life comes galloping at you...

I hate to admit it, off and on in my life, I am and have been a person prone to developing fears... to date some of my fears have been:

planes, heights, germs, dogs (now limited to German Shephards, Chows, Dobermans, and Jack Russell Terriers), public speaking, boats, bridges, caves and sinkholes, jellyfish, yellowjackets, june bugs, grasshoppers, driving next to trucks, driving by the woods at night, driving through cities, ghosts (but we're cool now), cows,

and

HORSES

(Note: speaking from a childhood experience where I was definitely someplace I was NOT supposed to be and encountered a horse that was NOT child friendly- I can assure you they are NOT as friendly as they look. Same thing goes for cows- and they can move much faster than ya'll would think.)

This morning, my dog and I were on our favorite "off the beaten path" trail in the woods. And I was very very deep in thought with my music turned up and my eyes on the ground. When we turned the corner, both Petey and I were rather startled to intersect with a rider on a horse. A REALLY REALLY HUGE horse I must add. And it's doing all those damn horsey things that they do, you know, snorting, flipping it's tail, stomping, looking down at me and staring at me straight in the eyes-- UGH! and I have to admit, I am FROZEN in my tracks. And to make things worse, I have Petey who not only has never seen a horse, suddenly believes he is capable of eating the horse.

So- I have a choice. And my first and most obvious choice is to be a grown up- I am alone in the woods and there is nobody else there to protect me! So, like a grown up, I must figure out, what are my options?

See- this is life.

Sometimes, we can just be going along, thinking everything is ok, or even GREAT, and we have things under control, and that thing we do not expect to fall upon us, just does. I had no idea that horses were allowed in this park. BUT we all have things we are vulnerable to. And some of those things, no matter how hard we have tried, or how far we have come, we will continue to be vulnerable to. As much as we want to think that we have become SO SO strong and impervious to harm, that is simply not the truth. But we CAN become smarter and better caretakers and protectors of ourselves under times of stress.

And that is what predicts whether or not we will relapse.

There will always be that thing that falls from the sky that we do not expect. The bad boyfriend, the person who disapppoints us, the well intentioned comment from a clueless "outsider", the toxic person who crosses our path, the thing from the past that comes back to haunt us, the work change or stress when we think it is all "under control". We have to be able to make choices quickly in the path of our worst fears, triggers, trials.

So, what did I do?

Well, I did pull back. And I breathed. And I reminded myself that most likely the person on the horse could control the horse. (I didn't really believe this, but I told myself this). Then I told myself I could control Petey. (I didn't really believe this, but I told myself this). And I got a firmer hold on him. Then I spoke. I said, "My dog has never seen a horse, this is going to be hard for me, can you please move over so we can pass?"

And they did.

And it was really hard for a few moments when we were passing, because they didn't move over as much as I wanted them to, and the horse did stomp and shuffle a bit, and make pretty scary noises at me, and my dog did pull and I did feel a bit panicky, but I just kept going. Because I had to. Because I knew I had no other choice and the sooner I got to the other side, the sooner it would be over.

And we went along our way.


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We can do this. We can meet all the things that life throws us, if only we take the time to pull back, breathe, remind ourselves of what we need to do, and take the time to advocate for our needs, drudge through what we have to get through reminding ourselves that "this too shall pass AND I got this!", and then continue along our paths to happier healthier selves.
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"If you're going through hell, keep going"
-Winston Churchill