finding your voice- the learning curve

So many of us, have been damaged in so many ways, and one of the "damages" many of us have incurred has been the loss of our voices. In overcoming that, we have had to discover our voices and liberate them again. Having a voice, means using it, often through faltering attempts and trial and error. If a tree falls in the forest and there is noone there to hear it... well then, I can't answer the question if it makes a sound but ... for sure NOBODY HEARS IT! Communication and talking takes at least two. I truly believe that journaling and writing are wonderful healing methods, but talking to others about our pains and experiences is an ever more important step in the journey. We must make friends, and we must talk about where we have been and what we are holding inside. The things we hold inside are so dark and so painful, that we simply must push ourselves to find people we can trust and talk to. The very act of keeping these things inside eats away at our souls and turns us into wasted and more damaged people among the land of the eating normal.

However, this truly is a huge risk for us. In doing so, it takes friends, and people we trust to help us do that. Only safe people can provide us those havens, but we have to take risks in finding those people. Some things inside of us can be dark and scary to share. Some of those are ED issues, and certainly not all of them are. So many of our issues that contribute to our food issues must be explored as well and often friends can help us heal those wounds as well, even without knowing about the food issues. Friends who have ED's and friends without ED's all allow us to become stronger and can listen to us as we find our voices again, but we have to make smart choices and only surround ourselves with people who will encourage us to find our voices in safe smart ways. We must learn to recognize and stay away from people who will take advantage of our nature and use it against us in unsafe ways. Developing co-dependent relationships with individuals of the opposite sex or other people with addictive personalities or dangerous personalities are not ways to heal. I see many of us exploring relationships, wanting to practice our new voices and reaching out and the potential to find individuals that can do more harm than good to us exists within each of us.

We must be able to learn to use our own voices to say:

This is where I have been, this is where I want to go...
This is how I want to be treated, and I will expect no less...
These are my strengths, these are my weaknesses, these are the challenges I am trying to overcome...

We have to recognize who these people are, and who they are not. Take risks, and keep trying! It doesn't take a million good friends! Only a few.


But always remember healthy friends allow us to:

Be ourselves- the confident, strong, interesting, honest, and complex selves that we are
Always say what we feel, what we really feel.
Speak the truth, encouraging us to say the truth, even if it is ugly or painful.
Allow us to experiment and be wrong and make mistakes and not judge us.
Encourage us to grow and be grown up and make grown up decisions.
Have our best interests at heart and keep us out of harms way.
Hear what we say, not what they want to hear.
Never, ever, do things that make us feel small, confused, worse or increase our tendency to harm ourselves.

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I continue to feel blessed by the friends I have that love and encourage me in my own journey.
I am no longer sad by the friends I have lost, or the people I have had to close the doors of my heart to.

Thank you my friends.

And I continue to feel true hope for all my new ED friends as well as we continue to develop our beautiful honest sonorous voices together.

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"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when
he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson