Who are you meant to be?

I am watching my daughter growing now into a strong, vibrant, very independent minded young woman. She is not lithe. She is not light on her feet. In fact, if she wanted to “take out” any boy in her fourth grade class, I am quite sure she could. Medically, she is probably considered close to overweight because she is so strong and sturdy. She does not have the look and feel of other girls in her class. If you pick her up, you would feel her density.

When she is on the soccer field, for every ten girls playing, there is usually one other like her. With strong legs, and powerful stance. A low center of gravity and less bounce to her dribble across the field.

And I watch her with pride, when she scowls across the field, fierce and mighty, and kicks the ball as hard as she can. I know she feels powerful then, and unhindered. I know she feels accomplished and feels like she is who she is “supposed to be” in those moments. She is truly her most beautiful then.

But I also know she is starting to feel different from other girls. She tells me this. She is beginning to compare herself physically to the other girls.And I tell her, you are who you are supposed to be. And I love you just the way you are.

She is like her mother, sometimes she grooms and wants to be “girlie”. She loves dresses, like her mother. Would collect them if she could. But, sometimes she’d rather be in the dirt, with her pants rolled up, and her hair wildly blowing in the wind (and thorns and leaves stuck to it!). Because some days she just can’t be bothered with brushing her hair. Like her mother, “reminders are helpful”.

And no matter what, wild and messy, or hair brushed and in a pink dress, she is beautiful. Because she is herself. Not the vision of what someone else wants her to be at those times.

She is curious like her mother, opinionated, and is finding her voice, so much earlier than I ever did. She does not have a quiet voice. When she wants to speak, she says it loud enough so you know WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.

And it is my hope, that she will know that she is becoming WHO she is meant to be. And that she will keep becoming WHO she is meant to be. A strong woman, a fierce woman, a smart woman, a woman who is not to be messed with. A woman whose body is strong and will not fail her or her children when she needs it.

Because more than anything, I want her to be a confidant woman. And you can’t be confidant- if you are trying to be someone who are you ARENT supposed to be.

WHO are you meant to be? Are you honoring that?

Just as I am

I don’t like to share much specific details about my personal situation on here, as it seems somewhat in questionable taste.

However, you could say, my heart took quite a journey the last several years. Over the last few years, I was forced to examine the relationship that I was in and the effects it was having on my well being and the well being of my children. Eventually I decided to end that relationship and end the pain and neverending confusion in my life that it caused. Then the journey took me on the path that included the bumps and bruises along the way of redefining myself as a single woman.

And then out of the blue, when my life was momentarily still, a new relationship began. And there is a story about that relationship, that I would like to tell.....

About a year and a half ago, when my other relationship was clearly over, and I was in a dark and quiet and contemplative place, a friend told me to write my “bottomlines” as I like to call them. This is the list of things you will never settle for in a relationship again. The things you must have. And I did. And that list is private and just for me, so I won’t post all of them here. But so you have an understand of the gist of them, a few of them are:

He must smile when I walk into the room

He must love children and understand how I love children

And about six months into my relationship, I revisited this list and found that indeed, and to my utter amazement, my guy met every criteria on my must have's list.

And then I realized, the other day, there is a criteria I did not put on the list, that perhaps would have trumped all of them. That this new relationship brings to me that profoundly amazes me each and every day.

He must love me just as I am

This kind of love; this love without judgment ; Love without desire for perfection or change, is a new experience for me. It is healing, it is right, and it is liberating. It encourages me to love myself as I am. It is comfortable and it is comforting.

And the reason I share this, is because I want to encourage my friends to BELIEVE, and to encourage you to include this on your lists. To never doubt that this is out there. And to hold high standards for the love you seek. What if we had this expectation for every supportive relationship we sought in life? How different would our lives, and indeed the world be?