One thing I have learned this year, is that when I gain weight, it's still me.
Does that sound a little nutty? Let me explain.
I used to feel like when I gained weight, the added (well let's just say the word) fat, was not me, it was some alien substance stuck to me. I felt like I was in a fat suit. And I hated it. I couldn't touch it, or look at it. I couldn't really bear it.
Now, I accept that it is me, and it is just MORE of me. I own it. I sat last night and looked at my belly and I touched it. And I was ok with it. It just... is.... and some times it will be bigger and sometimes it will be smaller but no matter what,
it's still ok. it's always ok to be me. no matter how much of me there is.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Recovery is Beautiful
Greetings friends,
As you probably noticed, I took a break from writing on the blog for a while. I have been doing many rewarding things for myself and have really been focusing on my kids, my finances, my job and my own health! I have been seeing a physical therapist and many specialists and am very happy that I have finally gotten to the root of my migraines and I have been doing many wonderfully fun things with my kids. I started painting again and have been writing for fun! I am so grateful for the wonderful friends in my life right now and for my children’s abundant love. So, I guess what I’m saying is I took a break from the “work work” of recovery to enjoy life. And the fact is, I was able to do that because my recovery was so solid. It’s been nice to actually live life without the work of recovery in my face all of the time (doesn’t mean I haven’t had to focus because you can never lose focus on fighting the good fight!)
But, it’s time to get serious again! Because recovery isn’t temporary- it’s a LIFESTYLE! Being able to set goals and finish them is something that shows we are SERIOUS GROWN UPS, and this is one of my goals. So whether or not any one reads it is NOT the point. This is about process- not product. And finishing the book IS THE GOAL.
Last weekend my boyfriend took me to the Firewalk in Providence. It was beautiful and so romantic. Who would have thought that in the middle of the city there would be classical music, gondolas, chandeliers hanging from bridges and hundreds of people strolling along together in the beautiful night air that was lit by hundreds of fires along the river. There were several living statues and one of them was an “oracle” and was handing out each person’s “prophecy”. Mine read “It’s time to take action, you know what you need to do, just roll up your sleeves and get it done”. And I think he was right!
As part of my recovery LIFESTYLE, I need to finish my book. The book is a statement of my commitment to recovery. I finally have a title and a clear vision for format and publication. I have decided to name it based on the real message I want to send.
Recovery is Beautiful
I hope everyone out there has been happy and healthy. Maybe it’s time for your own project- something to show your own commitment to recovery?
What are you doing for yourself to be happy and healthy? What goals have you made that you haven’t met? Maybe it’s time to start working on them.
As you probably noticed, I took a break from writing on the blog for a while. I have been doing many rewarding things for myself and have really been focusing on my kids, my finances, my job and my own health! I have been seeing a physical therapist and many specialists and am very happy that I have finally gotten to the root of my migraines and I have been doing many wonderfully fun things with my kids. I started painting again and have been writing for fun! I am so grateful for the wonderful friends in my life right now and for my children’s abundant love. So, I guess what I’m saying is I took a break from the “work work” of recovery to enjoy life. And the fact is, I was able to do that because my recovery was so solid. It’s been nice to actually live life without the work of recovery in my face all of the time (doesn’t mean I haven’t had to focus because you can never lose focus on fighting the good fight!)
But, it’s time to get serious again! Because recovery isn’t temporary- it’s a LIFESTYLE! Being able to set goals and finish them is something that shows we are SERIOUS GROWN UPS, and this is one of my goals. So whether or not any one reads it is NOT the point. This is about process- not product. And finishing the book IS THE GOAL.
Last weekend my boyfriend took me to the Firewalk in Providence. It was beautiful and so romantic. Who would have thought that in the middle of the city there would be classical music, gondolas, chandeliers hanging from bridges and hundreds of people strolling along together in the beautiful night air that was lit by hundreds of fires along the river. There were several living statues and one of them was an “oracle” and was handing out each person’s “prophecy”. Mine read “It’s time to take action, you know what you need to do, just roll up your sleeves and get it done”. And I think he was right!
As part of my recovery LIFESTYLE, I need to finish my book. The book is a statement of my commitment to recovery. I finally have a title and a clear vision for format and publication. I have decided to name it based on the real message I want to send.
Recovery is Beautiful
I hope everyone out there has been happy and healthy. Maybe it’s time for your own project- something to show your own commitment to recovery?
What are you doing for yourself to be happy and healthy? What goals have you made that you haven’t met? Maybe it’s time to start working on them.
Friday, December 24, 2010
This year- Give the gift of love!
The last few years, each holiday season has been better than the one before it. Having an Eating Disorder at the holidays is becoming a distant but sad memory. For how many years was I focusing on all the wrong things? How many holidays did I lose to my ED? Being recovered has allowed me the peace and joy to focus on the time spent with family and friends, instead of holding me back. Losing the Eating Disorder has been like losing an invisible enemy who is always with you; always ready to destroy the happiest moments in life.
This year, why not give yourself the most loving gift you can; give yourself the gift of love. Love who you are ENOUGH to have a holiday with your ED. Even if it's just for a day or two- tell yourself- my ED has no place in the festivities of the next few days. Relish every moment with your family and friends and enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the season. Enjoy happy smiles on childrens faces! Enjoy the hugs and the kisses and the laughter. Let your friends and loved ones wrap their arms around you. Savor these tender and intimate moments as the gifts of love from others which they are intended to be. Give yourself moments to breathe, and remember there is no need to be perfect, to be the best, or to worry about how others feel. Give yourself an easy, happy, and sweet holiday!
Wishing all my friends peace and joy this holiday season!
Be healthy and happy,
Amy
This year, why not give yourself the most loving gift you can; give yourself the gift of love. Love who you are ENOUGH to have a holiday with your ED. Even if it's just for a day or two- tell yourself- my ED has no place in the festivities of the next few days. Relish every moment with your family and friends and enjoying the sights, sounds, and smells of the season. Enjoy happy smiles on childrens faces! Enjoy the hugs and the kisses and the laughter. Let your friends and loved ones wrap their arms around you. Savor these tender and intimate moments as the gifts of love from others which they are intended to be. Give yourself moments to breathe, and remember there is no need to be perfect, to be the best, or to worry about how others feel. Give yourself an easy, happy, and sweet holiday!
Wishing all my friends peace and joy this holiday season!
Be healthy and happy,
Amy
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Holidays
So here we are. The fudge. The cheesecake. The cookies. There are so many ways to look at this.
We are called upon to enjoy ourselves over and over with friends and family. Plus pictures will be taken of you at those occassions.
Perhaps we should stop to focus on the fact that the occasions are really about love and connecting with others. Rather than on the food itself. To us, with our intense focus on seeing the food, simultaneously craving it and loathing it, and the anxiety over what we will DO with the food, the food takes on a life of it's own this time of year.
Remember that the food will always be there, but the people won't.
Obsessing over the food, will only destroy the moment put before you.
Eating this time of year will not be a "mistake". It will not be irreparable damage. But losing out on time with your family and friends, and listening to what they say, will be lost forever.
Here are some ideas:
Enjoy the season in ways that do NOT involve food. Enjoy making crafts with friends, developing photos, decorating and making your home warm and inviting.
Make food for others, and allow yourself to enjoy in the appropriate moderation. I love baking treats this time of year, turning my kitchen into a cookie warehouse actually decreases the odds I will eat too much of them. I enjoy packaging them. I only bake as much as I will use to give away though!
Enjoy some treats of the season that will not cause you stress. Warm mulled cider, flavored coffees, fresh fruits that are in season, nuts and cranberries. Go ahead and eat! But eat healthy!
Allow yourself to enjoy the foods that you are given, while also being honest with yourself and OTHERS. Be able to say, no thank you it looks lovely but I am FULL!
Most of all remember, the gift of your health is precious.
We are called upon to enjoy ourselves over and over with friends and family. Plus pictures will be taken of you at those occassions.
Perhaps we should stop to focus on the fact that the occasions are really about love and connecting with others. Rather than on the food itself. To us, with our intense focus on seeing the food, simultaneously craving it and loathing it, and the anxiety over what we will DO with the food, the food takes on a life of it's own this time of year.
Remember that the food will always be there, but the people won't.
Obsessing over the food, will only destroy the moment put before you.
Eating this time of year will not be a "mistake". It will not be irreparable damage. But losing out on time with your family and friends, and listening to what they say, will be lost forever.
Here are some ideas:
Enjoy the season in ways that do NOT involve food. Enjoy making crafts with friends, developing photos, decorating and making your home warm and inviting.
Make food for others, and allow yourself to enjoy in the appropriate moderation. I love baking treats this time of year, turning my kitchen into a cookie warehouse actually decreases the odds I will eat too much of them. I enjoy packaging them. I only bake as much as I will use to give away though!
Enjoy some treats of the season that will not cause you stress. Warm mulled cider, flavored coffees, fresh fruits that are in season, nuts and cranberries. Go ahead and eat! But eat healthy!
Allow yourself to enjoy the foods that you are given, while also being honest with yourself and OTHERS. Be able to say, no thank you it looks lovely but I am FULL!
Most of all remember, the gift of your health is precious.
Monday, November 22, 2010
What if...
All this was not as hard as we think it is.
Lately I have been wondering if the cure to eating disorders doesn't lie in the following four things:
1) Own lots of black, because it really is the ONLY color a woman should wear
2) Own LOTS of spandex (explanation unnecessary)
3) Eat more protein, because it does wonders for your overall health and weight management (in any direction)
4) Stay away from people who make you feel like shit. It isn't you, it's them.
yes- this is overly simplistic and I am a little facetious. But- I think there is truth to be found in simple observations sometimes.
Lately I have been wondering if the cure to eating disorders doesn't lie in the following four things:
1) Own lots of black, because it really is the ONLY color a woman should wear
2) Own LOTS of spandex (explanation unnecessary)
3) Eat more protein, because it does wonders for your overall health and weight management (in any direction)
4) Stay away from people who make you feel like shit. It isn't you, it's them.
yes- this is overly simplistic and I am a little facetious. But- I think there is truth to be found in simple observations sometimes.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
We need so many more idols like this!
She is lovely, she is strong, she is CURVY!
I love her!!!
http://soul88.blogspot.com/2009/03/mad-mens-christina-hendricks-named-tv.html
I love her!!!
http://soul88.blogspot.com/2009/03/mad-mens-christina-hendricks-named-tv.html
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Holidays
They are upon us. The unholy trio: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Never mind the extra food activities that seem to get slipped in there- the office parties, the fall apple pies, hannukah chocolates.
This is indeed a DIFFICULT time of year for us. This is how I am going to get through it this year, let me know if you like this strategy!
I am definitely going to revisit my meal plan. I know that on my meal plan I CAN eat a single little treat each day. I also am supposed to keep up my moderate exercise when I follow the meal plan.
I am going to make sure I pick up a couple of flattering outfits that make me FEEL GOOD about myself- so I am not additionally overwhelmed by poor body image.
I will plan for the days that I'm not going to worry about food. For me I know which dates those are: Thanksgiving and Christmas eve and Christmas Day. EVERY OTHER SINGLE DAY, I'm going to follow my meal plan.
I'm going to look for a few new "healthy" recipes that will still give me those wonderful fall flavors without overwhelming me. Mulled cider? Baked apples (without the pie crust!)?
I'm going to refuse to engage in conversations with other folks about "how much I'm putting on because of the holidays". It will trigger me and make me feel worse. I will learn to smile and say something encouraging and walk away.
Let me know if you have any other great ideas!!!
Amy
This is indeed a DIFFICULT time of year for us. This is how I am going to get through it this year, let me know if you like this strategy!
I am definitely going to revisit my meal plan. I know that on my meal plan I CAN eat a single little treat each day. I also am supposed to keep up my moderate exercise when I follow the meal plan.
I am going to make sure I pick up a couple of flattering outfits that make me FEEL GOOD about myself- so I am not additionally overwhelmed by poor body image.
I will plan for the days that I'm not going to worry about food. For me I know which dates those are: Thanksgiving and Christmas eve and Christmas Day. EVERY OTHER SINGLE DAY, I'm going to follow my meal plan.
I'm going to look for a few new "healthy" recipes that will still give me those wonderful fall flavors without overwhelming me. Mulled cider? Baked apples (without the pie crust!)?
I'm going to refuse to engage in conversations with other folks about "how much I'm putting on because of the holidays". It will trigger me and make me feel worse. I will learn to smile and say something encouraging and walk away.
Let me know if you have any other great ideas!!!
Amy
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