I have noticed that as I have recovered small things in my world have been able to reach me and touch me in deeper ways. The less buried we are in our eternal-internal dilemmas, the more we are able to notice and receive the small blessings given to us by the world around us.
Walking my dog this morning, I laughed as he and I skated across the frozen tundra that has become CT. The crows too were calling to us in their merry way from the naked trees above. And the slick frozen landscape sparkled and shone in the bright morning sunlight. Not every moment needs to be heavy with worry or care. It feels good to breathe the cold air and laugh with the crows sometimes.
It reminded me of Robert Frost.
Robert Frost is a "master" American poet known for appreciating the small, simple but poignant features of the American landscape and life. As I have matured and aged, poets like him, (and painters like Norman Rockwell, and composers like Aaron Copland) have begun to speak to me more. Our ability to capture these fleeting moments of truth, beauty and relevancy in our lives is something we miss if we are too caught up in our internal melodrama of food and weight and self hatred.
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Dust of Snow
The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
-Robert Frost
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I'd like to add as a footnote: My absolute favorite aspect of recovery is having my mind and my mental energy back. The fact that I can pull out a favorite poem from my memory banks is not a small feat. The mental fatigue, the confusion, the irritability, all of that is gone. I always tell people, my brain on food sometimes feels like being on crack! The Amy who eats is very different from the Amy who doesn't eat.
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