Becoming fearless

I am not sure where I am going with this idea.... it's more jumbles of ideas for my book. But more and more, I see that an answer for us is becoming fearless.

Over the past year of my life, I have had to do many things, that forced me to face fears. To make choices that forced me to be the grown up, even when I really did not want to be one.

It is the same with Ed. We are afraid of letting Ed continue to ruin our lives, yet afraid of a life without it.

Facing our fears, is a learning process. And learning to face fears takes time. when I look back at who I was 10 years ago, I am definitely not the same woman. I am proud of how I have grown.

It is not a graceful process, it is not a pretty process, it is something you just have to go and do sometimes. Sometimes we blurt, sometimes we cry, sometimes we say the wrong thing, sometimes it is not how we pictured it when we finally take our stand, but the point is, you have to do it, and you have to practice standing up for yourself.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes. And the stronger you become. The thicker our skin, and the bigger our playbooks.

Amy is becoming fearless. She really is.

I like that.
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When I was nine, I learned how to water ski. My brother of course was bigger and better and more fearless. If you have ever seen the wake created by a boat from the view directly behind it, you would know that a churned up path is formed directly behind then on either side is a series of waves undulating outwards. My brother could jump those waves. I could not. Even as a child, when I had something I was afraid of. I always pushed myself. My best friend Renee, likes to say I always have to "push the envelope". But these waves (usually in sets of 3), were what I set my mind too. I hated them, was terrified by them, but had to overcome them. I know it took at least one summer-probably two- and a lot of wipe outs. But eventually, I did overcome them, I never really jumped them, just sort of coasted over them, but that was good enough for me. The first wave, is indeed the biggest one, the second and third progressively smaller. When you pass the last one, the water is smooth as ice and your reward for crossing them as you hold onto the rope and soar out sideways of the boat.

Life is about these core strengthening battles and building ourselves from the inside.

I am becoming convinced more and more that so is recovery