A long time ago (yet not so long ago), when things in my life were unsettled, broken, disheveled, painful and uncertain, I had to make myself a cue card. It was a time in my life when I was very scared, alone, and undergoing a great deal of change, without a lot of immediate support around me. It was literally, my sanity to do list to keep myself sane and stable and make it through the day. I found it the other day in the last location I had stashed it. While this is an incredibly personal document, I want to share it. I wrote these on small index card and I would add to it as I found more insight. At that time in my life, I was under so much stress I found my short term memory so impaired, if I didn't write something down immediately, I knew i would forget it. I used to go over this card daily. Then, after a while, I no longer needed it, and it remained, tucked under my mattress- until last month- when flipping the mattress, I discovered it again.
-----------------------------------------------
-Follows the cues. Listen. Watch. Learn. Pay attention. Study the things I don't understand.
- This is my time. Use it.
- Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
-Anything worth doing well takes time.
-This is not a race.
-One thing at a time.
-Emotions are ok. Trust my instincts.
-Be true to the things I have discovered in myself.
-Seek safety and know when to ask for help.
-Be safe, wrap a cloak of protection around myself. Better safe than sorry.
-It's ok to be scared and retreat. Nobody is pushing me. Nothing is urgent.
- I am in control of my life. I make all the choices now.
-Think how things look. Be sensitive to my image as a person- be true- be reserved and in control
- Being alone is ok
-Hold a thought
-Thoughts do not require actions
-Not all people are mean
-But it's ok to make them earn my trust
-EAT
-PACE YOURSELF
-DONT BE PERFECT
-BELIEVE IN THE STEPS ON THE JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
----------
Love to all my beautiful friends today. We are all growing - wonderful works in progress. Life is not easy, sometimes it's scary. But- we are becoming stronger and smarter every day.
Amy
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
this is a lovely thing to share. thank you! i've read that anorexia and bulimia are "control issues." to what extent do you think a more Buddhist approach to "control"--which is to accept that we do not, in fact, control our lives or anyone else's--but that we DO control our choices--might be helpful to recovery?
That is SO true. I am certainly not Buddhist- but I have read a lot of buddhist texts. I have noticed that the more I have adopted very "buddhist" tendencies, the happier my life has become, not just freer from the eating disorder, but in general. I try to be very conscious of the choices I make every day and how it will affect myself and others, and try very hard to let go of everything else. Thank you for pointing that out. But the serenity prayer really is so beautiful and appropriate too. And speaks to these same things.
Post a Comment