My Manifesto

Why am I doing this and what do I hope to accomplish?

I have been trying to write this for a while. Three years ago, I decided when I was strong enough- when I was "there" (some vaque indefinable quality of readiness)- I would take a stand and help others and set myself on a road towards becoming an advocate in the area of eating disorders. I knew I had to in order to make meaning of the lifetime I had suffered at the hands of Ed. I knew that it had to be something that I would stand by, with my own pride and dignity in order to make a difference in the world, to ease the suffering of others. I knew I had to in order to make a better world for my daughter and her peers. That is the why. It is simple. It is a bottom line.

What do I want?

I want to be a liason for the rest of the world. To help them see the suffering we go through. Not to torment them, but to humanize our cause. To give us respect, dignity, understanding and resources. I want them to understand we are not trying to disappoint them, not willingly doing this to ourselves, and not doing this to hurt others. But doing this because it is truly a horrible mental disorder that cripples millions of men and women who are senseless victims. And that we are in pain.

I want to use my experiences to reach out and help others. I hope through my battles and my perspectives I can help others. It is so hard to recover and there are so few that do and are willing to become public. I feel that as many that can become public should in order to inspire others. It is important for sufferers to know that there is a beautiful strong life after ED. They can only know that if those who have achieved it come forth as models of this.

I want to help create new models of support and recovery. There are critical gaps in the types available. There are critical issues in what are available. I would like to use my voice and my background to help change the direction and variety of what is provided in the future.

I want to become an advocate for prevention. Too many are attracted to eating disorders. More needs to be voiced about how horrible this life is. We need to change how girls (and boys) grow up thinking about their bodies and their personal power.

This is important to me, this is real. My voice was silenced for a very long time. I will not let voices real, or unreal dissuade me. It may take a lifetime. I may make a small dent, and that is ok. It does not matter the size of the dent. It will be my dent. And that's

Ok. Because it will be mine. Just like my body.