The difference now between myself and food

So a thought occured to me...

The big difference now between myself and food is that i no longer really fear it. I understand now that it is not the food that is to blame, or is the problem ever, it is what I do with food, or rather what i perceive the food does. And that is good, because anytime you fear something, it has power over you.

Where I still struggle is that I do not really LIKE food still. Food and I still sort of eye each other with a little disdain. I still resent that it has caused me so much pain in my life, I still do not enjoy most flavors, most dishes, cooking is a process I do not relish. I do not like being full, I do not like sensations of eating, or hunger, or satiation. I do not like food aromas. i do not want to share meals with people, or go to restaurants really (just drinks, coffee, or tea, please). To me, the whole food and eating thing is just this giant pain in the butt that i pretty much associate massive trauma with.


So, I am definitely pleased the balance of power has decidedly shifted and I am the one that has the power. (or rather I KNOW I have the power again because I had that power all along- wearing my little ruby slippers through the land of ED OZ). While it no longer has power over me, power of misery, power of mind control, power of desperation, food and I, we're really not best of friends yet.

But, i'll keep working on it.

Because-- that's what I do! I'm a work in progress.